The one about sidewalks and crunched leaves

1…2…3… counting steps. Crunching leaves…This sidewalk looks different today. Has it always been so dirty? Has it always been so small? I try to recall all the times I’ve been stepping on the same stones…22 years something. I used to miss them when I was abroad. Did they miss me? I laugh.

How many people’s steps have they counted? How many couple’s steps in perfect rhythm have they felt? How many childish steps running away from their mothers? How many anxious steps of mine trying to catch the bus? How many days holding my weight, trying to hold on to the ones I love? Just another hug, just another kiss…Please…

I want the sidewalk to speak. I want it to tell me, how many times were my steps angry? How many times was my heart so heavy the stones could notice? Did they ever listen to the songs I played when it rained?

Gosh, I’m going deaf from listening to the music too loud. Trying to make my heart shush…or my mind silent.

They’ve always been on a quarrel. The louder the music, the heavier the fight.

I step on a stone and it moves, splashing me everywhere with the first autumn raindrops. Bloody hell, I never learned to pay attention to these deceiving stones! Funny thing how that perfectly mimics my behavior in life. Events like this make me come around to my senses. My brain screams: Stop! And I think about all the shit I have to do on this month. On this life. And the brain wins a battle. Today’s battle. My heart stops the talking but the pavement feels the weight. It’s heavier than ever.

Just one kiss, just one laugh…just one hug…a promise…for a glorious day…somewhere away from here…in a sunny place where people speak Spanish, Italian or Greek…

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