– Hey, beautiful! What’s up with those sad looking eyes?
– Heartbreak! – You answer without giving it a second thought.
– My, my! So quick to jump to conclusions, aren’t we? – a smirk shows up on my lips. Can’t manage to hide that. Listening to all those so called “ love problems” made me bitter, cynical and so eager to crush expectations. – Have you ever heard of the Zeigarnik effect?
– The Zeiga…what?! – Your eyes open up wide. You look goofy, clueless, pure, innocent…I wish you can hold on to that. After all, innocence is the thing we miss the most as adults.
– Heartbreak you say? If that is so then it must be love, no? If you feel hurt and you miss him like crazy, he’s your guy, no? Pain looks very poetic…pain coming from love it’s even better, the poet makes it divine…
Snap out of it! We’re in a “real life 101″ course here, darling!
Divine my ass! They’re just a bunch of chemical reactions and neurohormones. Everything is happening in your brain. Where’s the poetry in that, huh? You kissed him and your brain got high on dopamine, you hugged and oxytocin flooded your system…and you called it love. He left, the reactions stopped and you called it heartbreak. You now think he’s the one cause if he wasn’t then why the F would you miss him so much? Why the hell would you still remember the way his lips curve when he laughs, or the way his hands move when he speaks? Why would you remember the way he fixes his hair and the smell of his skin?
Well, I hate to break it down to you but he’s not your one and only. He’s just an unfinished task. He’s not your biggest love, he’s only the cause of the biggest Zeigarnik effect you’ve ever experienced.
Last night, when you woke up at 3 AM the effect took it’s toll on you. You cried your heart out, thinking that was it. Honey, do you know why your brain was reminding you about the time he didn’t say “I love you” back? You were staring at the light reflections over the lake, with your head on his shoulder, waiting for that sound wave…This is why you can not forget about him. It’s the effect.
The one that made you remember you didn’t pay for your coffee this morning so you went back and left a fat tip. The one that saved your apartment from fire cause you remembered you left the stove on. The one that makes you remember the door was left unlocked and that your flight to Rome isn’t booked yet. Remember that Dopamine goes up after a task is completed. And the effect craves for the uncompleted to become a whole. Fascinating thing your brain, no?
You see? You’re craving for fulfillment, not him. You’re craving for dopamine not “I love yous” back. You little, cute junkie. Eat some chocolate next time you get 3 AM cravings. Your brain (or heart if you want it so) will be just fine…I promise you.